Battleangel

The academic year is all but over. One can’t help to look at the big picture, if there is such a thing, and wonder where this is going. Unless I complete the mandatory but non-essential courses I must pick a new path to walk. Perhaps not such a radical leap as last time (three years ago) but still. I sense that even the student who completes said courses, abides by the rules, risks to end up in education limbo. Unless they become one of those that don’t have a real job but rather end up with the department. Because lets face it, no one outside of that small world will appreciate non-essential courses. I should now. I reside in that other world and I’m not impressed. So maybe I’m a little repetitive and pessimistic concerning this matter … but it is my time being wasted here. At any rate, I refuse to bend. But lets drop this for a couple of months, I’m growing weary of this hampering.

I’m amazed at how naive and romantic people can be. Especially among social interactionists and within feminist theory. Even if one cannot view the world through the same filter and make general statements about inclinations, it seems that science is losing its footing in society. Myth, magic and esoteric theories are invading the public sphere. The search for “truths” is now playing second fiddle to personal agendas, subjectivity and attitudes.

Not that there is much hope for the world anyway. I can’t help but see all of this as a looming danger. The rather discouraging Amnesty International Report for 2004 just arrived and the conclusion is just as bitter as we knew it would be.

And we all know why the UN is powerless to act …
Intolerance, polarization, subjectivity and fear are waxing. Reason is waning. It is things like these that prevent me from ever truly winding down.

There is but one way to truly relax. I still seek comfort in the solitude of wilderness. A couple of hours alone in the woods and the lush foliage of spring. What more could one ask for. Everything is so alive, so vivid. A chilly morning, 8-10 C perhaps, and there is a slight rainfall. The ground beneath you is soft and slithery.
It’s funny … I do not have any other ambitions at the moment. Just to clear my head. I say this mostly because some people have evidently misunderstood my interest for the outdoors. It’s all about getting away. It has always been. Maybe that is why people do that, even the most hardcore trekker. I have just refined that to exclude all non-essential aspirations.

And now for something completely different. I finally procured a bucket of tung oil. Hopefully I’ll take better care of the terrace furniture this season. Never used tung oil before but I’ve heard great things about it. It’s amazing I even care considering I’m never on the terrace. What a dreary …

All in all I feel kind of fragmented right now. Just like this post. I guess it is the season. It has always been a breaking point for me. Always the end of something old and the beginning of something new. A clash of the past, the present and the future. Ambivalence and nostalgia. Even if the past becomes shorter and more blurred for every year. Maybe it is the course of the natural world. Maybe it is the extreme onslaught of entertainment media in conjunction with a certain estrangement. All self-inflicted of course.