Battleangel

As if being handcuffed for playing a PSP in your own parked car or interrogated for wearing a bootleg t-shirt weren’t stupid enough, how about the guy who drops his iPod in the airplane toilet on the way from Chicago to Ottawa, almost provoking an international incident.

Meanwhile, the word had gotten out. The “object” that had caused all this panic was an iPod that slipped off the belt of a young man (who looked to be about 18) when he was using the bathroom. It landed in the toilet. Knowing that his iPod was ruined and apparently reluctant to put his hands in the toilet, the young man tried unsuccessfully to flush it away and returned to his seat. When another passenger saw the iPod and mentioned it to the flight attendant, she immediately told the captain, who then notified Ottawa airport authorities.

Now that is nothing short of idiotic. But it gets even better. The “young man” later posted his story on the World of Warcraft Forum and the treatment he received makes for a chilling tale. First there is the endless personal abuse that is going nowhere.

Then started the questions. They were easy at first. They asked me where I lived. What do I do for a living? Why am I unemployed? How come it’s taken me 4 months to find a job?

They asked me why I was visiting Canada. I was to visit a friend I met on World of Warcraft, Cara. They took down her name and what I could remember of her address. They asked me how we met.

“In an online game.”
“What online game?”
“Umm … World of Warcraft,” I responded meekly.
“What kind of game is this?”
“It’s a fantasy game … it takes place online.”
“Fantasy … like it’s got wizards and warlocks?”
“Well, it’s got warlocks.”

So, when they put the pieces together; namely, that I was visiting a female person that I had met over a computer game, their next line of questioning went down an obvious path.

“So you and Cara are friends?”
“Yes.”
“How long have you known her?”
“About 5 months I think? Maybe less.”
“Do you have a romantic relationship with Cara?”
“No.”
“Do you want a romantic relationship with Cara?”
“No.”
“OK, so … if you and Cara were drunk together, and she turned to you and said, ‘Tim, let’s go–’”

I interrupted him. “Excuse me … what’s the point of these questions?” The detective hardened. “Let me make things clear. I ask questions. You answer them. Do we have an understanding?”

“Yes.” I paused. “I just don’t see how this is relevant.”

He spoke right in my face. “I’ve got 5 good men going into that airplane right now. Five of my best bomb squad guys. If there is any reason that I should be concerned for their life, then I need to know now. So just answer the questions, and do as I say.”

Now the questions became really pointed. What do you think about 9/11? What are your views on the Iran issue? Do you think government is too big, too powerful? Would you ever “make a point?”

McCarthyism is alive and well. And obviously, playing a MMORPG is on par with having attended a mujahideen training camp in the eyes of the establishment. Then, when he thinks the harassment is over, he still gets the luxury laptop search with make-believe laws applied.

“What are you looking for?”
“Contraband,” he said without looking up at me.
“Such as?”
“Child pornography, hate propaganda.”
“Child porn I can understand, that’s illegal. But hate propaganda is protected speech.”
Now he looked up. “What country do you think you’re in?”
“Oh, it’s illegal in Canada?”
“I honestly don’t know. But that doesn’t matter. I get to decide what goes in this country. Do you have a problem with that?”